The Perfect Triangle
by IkaDeidaraClayGirl
Summary: It's...a love triangle. LITERALLY. Oneshot.


The Perfect Triangle

Sakura was walking her cat down a street in Konoha. Yes, her CAT. Why the hell was she walking a CAT? Nobody she had passed had dared to ask her. They had just walked by, looking at the cat that looked very much like Sakura with its green eyes and pink fur, knowing that if they said anything, Sakura would get angry. And you did NOT want to see Sakura angry. She once punched a guy clear across a field for saying she was sexy. Today, the recipient of her terrifying anger was, of course, her clueless teammate, Naruto.

"Why the hell are you walking a CAT?" He just HAD to ask. Sakura whipped around to face him, anger smoldering in her eyes. He was too stupid to notice this and continued.

"And where did you get a pink one?" he wondered out loud. Sakura and her cat stalked up to him until the two humans were standing face to face. He was still oblivious.

"And isn't it weird that your eyes are the same color?"

"Now, Sake!" For Sakura had named her cat Sake. This was in no small way linked to a bet she had made with some other ANBU members as to who could make Tsunade say, "I hate sake". (None of the others had managed to succeed, but Sakura, knowing Tsunade best, did. There were several stormy scenes where Tsunade asked for sake, meaning the alcoholic drink, and Sakura brought her the cat. After about a week of this, Tsunade finally screamed, "I hate sake! Bring me sake!" making no sense whatsoever. The astonished ANBU had paid her enough to buy Naruto ramen for a year, and everyone knows how much he eats.

Ahem. Back to where we left Sakura. As soon as she had screamed "Now, Sake!", the cat had attacked Naruto's leg. Sakura had then kicked his ass (literally) and he flew in the air. As his screaming self flew over Konoha, with people staring at both him and Sakura, the pink-haired girl realized that the pink-furred cat was still attached to Naruto's leg.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she yelled. She then began to run clumsily in the direction in which she had kicked Naruto. People had gathered and were starting to whisper…about her erratic trail, her tangled pink hair, her messy clothes…

"Isn't she too young to be drunk?" one villager asked another.

"She's Tsunade's apprentice. What else would you expect?" said the one he had been talking to.

While all thee crazy things were being said about her (no, she wasn't actually drunk), Sakura had been running faster and faster to reach the point where Naruto would crash into the ground. She was almost there! Unfortunately, so was Naruto. She was about ten meters away, not looking where she was going, when she slammed into something hard. Both she and whatever it was she had run into fell backward. Sakura immediately got back up and started running again – or tried to.

"Let me go!" she said to Kiba, who had grabbed her ankles to keep her from moving.

"Not so fast. You ran into me!" Kiba's voice was amused. "What's wrong with you?"

"I can't explain now! I'll tell you later! Just let me go!" Sakura was panicking now.

"Do you need my help, whatever it is?" Kiba's sounded worried and a little annoyed now. Suddenly, Sakura spied Chouji coming around a corner.

"Chouji! Catch Naruto!" she yelled at him. Chouji's eyes grew wide with surprise, but he did as she asked.

"Bubon: Baika no Jutsu!" Sakura breathed a sigh of relief as Naruto landed in the palm of Chouji's oversized hand. Only Naruto. Sakura looked around for her cat.

"Where's Sake?" she asked Kiba, who had taken his hands off her ankles and was now holding her arms to her body with his arms. She remembered that Kiba had no idea who Sake was, and as she looked at him, she realized…

"Kiba, are you _hugging_ me?" She asked. Kiba's face turned bright red.

"Um…yeah, I guess I am." He muttered, letting her go.

"Thank you." She said when released from Kiba's hug. A pink flash in front of her face caught her attention.

"Sake!" Sakura exclaimed. Wait – in front of her face? She looked closer at the cat. In a mere second, she and Kiba (still standing next to her) Had the same "WTF" expression on their faces. (You know, one eye twitching, etc.)

Sake had sprouted wings.

"Great, now I've got a flying cat." Sakura said sarcastically. "It can't get any better than this."

Then Sake _smiled_.

"Hi, Sakura-chan!" said Sake.

Kiba and Sakura fainted at the same instant.

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Sakura was roughly awakened by someone shaking her shoulders. It was Sasuke.

"Hey, Sakura, what're you doing in the middle of the street?" He sounded concerned.

"Sake." Said Sakura, still not fully conscious.

"Wh- you're only sixteen!" said Sasuke, even more concerned.

"Oh, no! I meant my cat!" Then she remembered. "Hey, where's Kiba?"

"Oh, he's right there. Why?"

"Well, we both fainted when we saw Sake flying and talking." Sakura remembered it all now. Sasuke looked at her strangely.

"Are you sure it wasn't a…" he was interrupted.

"…genjutsu?" finished Sake. This made Sasuke go into "WTF" mode. Eye twitching, finger pointing, the whole shebang.

"Hi Sake!" said Sakura, happy that her cat was ok.

"Hi Sakura! Okay, you can stop now." The pink cat said, turning to Sasuke. "Really."

Sasuke shook himself. "Right." He said to the cat. To Sakura, he said, "It's getting late. Would you like me to walk you home?" Sakura was delighted. Ever since Sasuke had killed Orochimaru and returned to Konoha, he had been much nicer to her.

"Of course!" she said happily. The two teammates walked off together, leaving Kiba where he was.

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Kiba woke up later. Much, much later. The moon was high in the sky, and Kiba, stretching lazily, wondered what had awakened him. Then, he heard a hiss. He quickly stood up, kunai in hand.

"Who's there?" he called. He relaxed as Sake stepped out of the shadows.

"Hi, Kiba!" Sake said innocently.

"Don't scare me like that!" Kiba's voice was harsh; he still thought it strange to talk to a cat like he would a human.

"You talk to Akamaru as if he were human." Sake sounded insulted.

"Wha…you can read my mind, too?" Kiba screeched.

"What can I say? I'm amazing." Sake shrugged (if that is possible for a cat).

Kiba blinked. "So…what are you here for, anyway?"

"Oh, that. Sakura sent me to make sure you were ok and to wake you up if necessary."

Kiba looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh…well, thank her for me, will you?"

Sake looked amused. "Sure. Bye!" And before Kiba could tell her to do anything else, she had disappeared. Kiba realized that he was still far from his house. He began to walk, thinking about Sakura.

_Hey_, he realized, _she's kind of cute! Even better than Hinata!_ And so he continued on his way home, thinking about ways to get Sakura to go out with him.

_Tomorrow_, he decided, _I'll ask her to walk with me and Akamaru._ He smiled and entered his house, locking the door and flopping down on his dog-themed bed. When he fell asleep, he had (and enjoyed) some extremely perverted dreams.

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Sakura was awakened by a simultaneous knocking on her apartment door, ringing of her cell phone, and the Numa Numa blaring on her radio alarm clock. She jumped about three feet in the air before calming down.

"Wait a minute!" she shouted as loudly as she possibly could to the person at the door. She picked up her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Sakura! It's Kiba! Wanna take a walk with Akamaru and I this morning?"

"Uh…maybe. Let me get ready and I'll call you back."

"Ok! Bye!" Kiba hung up. Sakura quickly put on her ninja clothes and answered the door. Sasuke stood there, looking bored.

"Hi, Sakura." said he.

"Uh…hi Sasuke," Sakura said, blushing, "I didn't think we had a mission today!"

"We don't. I wanted to walk around with you."

"Oh! Well, Kiba just called and asked if I wanted to walk with him and Akamaru, so why don't we all walk together!"

Sasuke hn-ed. "Fine."

"Let me just call Kiba quick!" Sakura smiled and dashed over to where she had left her phone. Ring, ring, ri- Kiba picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kiba, it's Sakura! Sasuke and I are gonna walk with you and Akamaru! Where should we meet you?"

"Ok." Kiba sounded vaguely disappointed. "How about we meet by your house?"

"Fine with me! Bye, Kiba-kun!" Sakura hung up.

"Double-dipping, are we?" said a familiar voice. Sakura looked up to see Sake hovering randomly with an amused look on her face. The kunoichi's eye twitched.

"Sake, that was entirely inappropriate."

"Well, then why are you walking with two guys? It's obvious that they both like you."

"You're a cat…how the hell would you know?"

"Have you noticed that your inner hasn't been talking to you recently?"

"…I guess…"

"Well, that's because I'm your inner in cat form."

"Sweet…oh, guacamole, Sasuke and Kiba are waiting for us. Let's go!"

"You're on, sister!" Sake sat on Sakura's head. Sakura, knowing that the cat would do anything she felt like doing and that nobody could stop her, sighed and ran out of her house.

"Hi Saku- whatthehelltheresacatonyourhead" said Kiba.

"Charge, soldier!" screamed Sake. Kiba and Sasuke went into "WTF" mode, and Sakura sweatdropped.

"Sorry. I've always wanted to do that." Said Sake, still sitting on Sakura's head.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway, let's go!" said Sakura.

"Hn." Said sasuke.

"Alright!" said Kib, jumping up and down.

"Woof!" Guess who that was.

In the same second, they all walked off. It wasn't long before Kiba and Sasuke started arguing.

"How dare you try to take my teammate from me!" whispered Sasuke angrily.

"She likes me better!" snarled Kiba.

"Nuh-uh!" said Sasuke.

"Yea-huh!" said Kiba.

Hearing the argument, Sakura looked at them a little funny. Realizing exactly what they had said, she screamed "I don't like either of you! CHA!" and threw them both in the general direction of the forest. For good measure, Sake flew off with Akamaru and dropped him near Kiba's house.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" yelled Sakura, and with that said, she skipped back to her house.

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Kiba and Sasuke landed about 2 feet apart in a conveniently placed clearing in the middle of the forest.

"Oof." grunted Kiba. He rolled over, only to find himself on top of a rather surprised Sasuke.

"Oof indeed", said Sasuke, "and…you're lying on me…" But Kiba didn't hear the last art, mostly because he was sniffing the air.

"What?" asked Sasuke. Kiba's nose came rather close to Sasuke's chest.

"Your man scent intrigues me." admitted the dog lover. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"You know, Sakura is kind of dumb…and evil." Kiba continued.

"Agreed. I can't believe I ever liked her. In fact, she's turned me off of the whole female race." said Sasuke.

"Sakura's making you gay?!?!" asked Kiba, shocked.

Sasuke thought about that. "You could say that…"

"Ohmygosh me too!" yelled Kiba. Sasuke's eyes got teary.

"Kiba, let's be gay ninjas together! We can travel the world, terrorizing lesser ninjas and wearing PINK!" he said excitedly.

"Alright." said Kiba, "Wait…everything but the pink. That would be too much like Sakura." Both ninjas stuck out their tongues in a "blecchh" gesture.

Kiba stuck out his arm. "Let us link arms, fellow gay ninja, and skip off into the sunset!"

Sasuke linked his arm with Kiba's. "Indeed! Let's! But…the sun isn't setting." Kiba sweatdropped.

"Then…let us skip…into the mid-morning sunlight!" he said with finality. And so the two ninjas, enemies turned lovers, skipped into the light of Konoha.

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Author's Note 

I don't even know why, but I think the best line I've ever written has to be "Your man scent intrigues me". It cracks me up.

Sorry the end was…a little…weird…but I wanted them to make themselves fit the gay stereotype.

For the record, gay people are awesome.

Whooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Ze Author

By the way, this story is dedicated to chinchillas.

_**Mama Bear Note**_

Hello, this is Livited. I didn't have anything to do with writing this story, but I was the first person who read it, so CHA! (And to make another note, CHA is MY word, and is not an evil word. It makes my world go round, as does my friends, chocolate, and the people I luv)

IkaDeidaraClayGirl, I'm writing this just to annoy you, and so I can write on this, but also because I wanted to tell this was completely awesome! It was so funny, and had plenty of zest, which short stories don't normally have(Like my fan fics didn't start out too well). Tht's all I wanted to say.

Um, it certainly was very. . . . random. Hahaha "Your man scent intrigues me". Sheesh, I would never say tht! But it was another kiba, right? Not me kiba, so I'm cool with it.

CHA! This kingdom hearts fanatic is out, and saying tht Naruto rocks, and my heart will always be with video games and anime.

CHA!!!!!!

XD


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